Now that we can start to see how we are formed—and that others may be different—there’s a deeper question I have to ask:
What does my personality type have to do with love?
It turns out—quite a bit.
But to understand that, I have to go one level deeper—into what I believe love actually is.
Because how I define love… determines how I expect it to be expressed.
The Belief Most of Us Carry (Without Realizing It)
There’s a common idea in modern thinking—rooted in humanistic and postmodern influence—that says:
Love should feel natural.
Love should be intuitive.
And if it’s real, it should come easily.
In other words:
“If you really love me, you’ll just know how.”
That sounds good.
It feels right.
But it doesn’t hold up in real life. Because people are not the same.
They don’t think the same.
They don’t process the same.
And they don’t express love the same.
So when we believe love should “just happen,” we set ourselves up for disappointment—and then, we usually blame the other person for it.
Where That Belief Breaks Down
If love is only defined by how it feels to me… then anything that doesn’t feel like love—must not be love.
That’s the trap.
Because now I’m not evaluating love based on what’s being given—I’m evaluating it based on how it matches my expectation.
And when it doesn’t match, I come to conclusions like:
- “They don’t care.”
- “They’re not trying.”
- “This relationship isn’t right for me.”
But what if the problem isn’t the love… What if the problem is the belief I’m using to measure it?
A More Grounded Way to Understand Love
A more honest view is this:
Love is not just a feeling—it’s an expression. And that expression is shaped by how a person is wired.
Which means: Love has to be understood… not just felt.
And if I don’t take the time to understand how someone gives love, I can completely miss it—even while it’s being offered.
How Love Gets Misread
Let’s look at this clearly.
Not in theory—but in real patterns.
I Am Structured
They show love through consistency, responsibility, and follow-through.
But if I believe love should feel spontaneous or emotional, I can look right past it.
I can call them rigid… when they’re actually being dependable.
The belief problem:
“I equate love with how it feels to me—not how it’s being expressed.”
I Am Technical
They show love by listening, thinking, and trying to solve what’s wrong.
But if I believe love should be emotional and expressive, I can miss it.
I can call them distant… when they’re actually paying close attention.
The belief problem:
“If it’s not emotional, it’s not love.”
I Am Action
They show love through effort, movement, and doing.
But if I believe love should slow down and connect, I can misread it.
I can call them impatient… when they’re actually trying to move life forward for both of us.
The belief problem:
“If it doesn’t look like connection, it doesn’t count.”
I Am Relationship
They show love through connection, presence, and emotional engagement.
But if I believe love should be practical or efficient, I can dismiss it.
I can call them overly emotional… when they’re actually trying to stay connected.
The belief problem:
“If it’s not productive, it’s not valuable.”
What This Reveals
This isn’t just about personality.
This is about belief.
Because underneath every frustration in relationships, there’s usually an assumption:
“My way of seeing love is the right way.”
And that belief—left unexamined—will distort how I see people.
Where a Better Belief Begins
A better belief is not that love should come naturally.
A better belief is this: Love requires understanding.
It requires me to step outside of myself and recognize that:
- What feels obvious to me isn’t obvious to someone else
- What feels meaningful to me isn’t universal
- What I expect may not be what they’re built to give
That doesn’t make them wrong.
It makes them different.
What Changes When I Shift That Belief
When I stop expecting love to show up my way:
- I begin to see effort I used to miss
- I stop labeling differences as problems
- I understand people more accurately
- I respond with clarity instead of assumption
Not because love changed… but because my belief about it did.
The Layman’s Way
Love breaks down when I expect it to be given the way I would give it.
Love grows when I learn to recognize it in the way it’s being given.
Because many of the conclusions I’ve made about people…
weren’t based on truth—they were based on belief.
And when I correct the belief, I start seeing things the way they actually are.
That’s a better way to think. and that is what S. T. A R. does
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