“Your hands have made me and formed me…” Psalm 119:73
“No one understands me… it’s frustrating.” “How much easier would life be if people would just listen to me?” Most of us have thought this—some of us have said it out loud.
So why don’t other people see what seems so obvious to me? Why don’t they respond the way I would?The honest answer is simple: they’re not you. God made each of us—but He did not form us all the same
They don’t think, process, or value things the way you do. They bring their own needs, experiences, and way of seeing the world into every situation. And until you understand that—until you understand them—frustration will be the norm, not the exception. And that’s not how this was meant to work.
So is there a way to understand another person’s seemingly unique, God-given perspective?
At first glance, it doesn’t feel like it.
Most of the time, when someone reacts differently than we would, we don’t try to understand it—we measure it. We compare it to what we would do in the same situation and decide whether it makes sense. And when it doesn’t, we assume they’re wrong.
That approach creates more problems than it solves. And if you think about it, it goes a step further.
When we assume someone else is wrong simply because they’re different, we’re not just judging them—we’re quietly questioning the way they were made.
I saw this play out clearly several years ago while working with an insurance company. I was training a new recruit, and the process was straightforward. He needed to learn the presentation—page by page—what to say, how to say it, and when to say it. We would go on multiple appointments together, with me gradually giving him more responsibility until he was ready to go on his own.
Usually, this process took eight to ten appointments. After one appointment, he told me he was ready to go out on his own. I pushed back. He insisted.
Not wanting to discourage him, I said, “Alright—prove it. Show me you can present everything cleanly and accurately, and I’ll let you go.”
We were sitting in a coffee shop. He grabbed a napkin and laid out the entire presentation—clear, structured, and complete.
I just sat there. How was he able to get all of that down with a fraction of the training it took me? That’s when it clicked. And neither of us was wrong—we were just different.
Different in ways that weren’t accidental, but formed.
If I had forced him to learn it my way, it would have slowed him down—or worse, frustrated him enough to quit. What I had been measuring as “right” or “wrong” was really just different. And that’s where most of us get tripped up.
We assume people should think the way we think, process the way we process, and respond the way we would. When they don’t, we label it—slow, careless, rigid, emotional—without ever stopping to ask a better question:
What if they’re not wrong… just different?
Understanding those differences is what makes it possible to work with people, live with people, and relate to people without constant frustration. And those patterns didn’t come from nowhere. Over time, I began to see that most behavior patterns tend to fall into a few basic orientations. The system I use to describe them is simple:
- Structured
Values order, planning, and clear expectations
- Technical
Focuses on accuracy, logic, and understanding how things work
- Action
Energized by movement, results, and getting things done quickly
- Relationship
Prioritizes people, harmony, and maintaining connection
These aren’t labels to box people in. They’re patterns that help explain why people respond the way they do—and why what works for one person may not work for another.
Not knowing—or not understanding—these differences leads to confusion, frustration, and constant misunderstanding. It causes us to label people as wrong, difficult, or hard to deal with… when in reality, God simply formed them differently.
When we have a way to understand how God wired others, something changes.
We stop reacting and start recognizing. We stop judging and start adjusting. And that shift is what makes better relationships possible—and honors God.
This is the purpose behind the S.T.A.R. system.
So the next time you find yourself thinking, “Why don’t they see this?” or “Why don’t they just do it the right way?”—pause for a moment and ask yourself:
Am I expecting them to be like me?
When you begin to recognize that, something shifts. Frustration gives way to understanding. Judgment gives way to patience. And relationships—at work, at home, and everywhere in between—start to improve.
You don’t have to agree with everyone. But you can learn to understand them.
And that is putting Scripture into practice.
If people aren’t the same by design, then what—or who—designed them that way?
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